(secretly pregnant in these workout photos… just another day in the life!)
When my now husband and I first started seriously dating we had a talk over a diner breakfast one lazy Sunday morning that went something like, “hey I like you, this is going well and to get the life we both want we need to move quickly…” From engaged to married to expecting all during a crazy pandemic year that tipped everything sideways… I believe that is the definition of moving quickly! 2020 was the best and most insane year of my life.
In August 2020 we pivoted away from our dream wedding and celebrated with an intimate micro-wedding that turned out more perfect than I could have hoped (still working on sharing those photos…) Around this time we decided to let what would happen in the baby making department, well happen. Being 37 years old gave me doubts that this it be an easy road. To that end, my sincerest love to anyone struggling with infertility. I have a personal story to share another day that makes me extremely sensitive to this and the emotions of saying we were open to trying was enough to bring me to tears. After some soul searching I choose to focus on the word ‘surrender’ knowing none of what might happen was in my control. People ask if we were trying and I have debated if that is TMI?… but if sharing helps anyone then it needs to be done. Making babies isn’t always as easy as they teach in high school! There is a small window in a woman’s cycle when babies can happen called ovulation. This time varies for each woman and most don’t actually know exactly when this is. I wanted to approach this little journey as much like a doctor as possible. This meant using a basic drug store ovulation kit. When the little guy flashes a smiley face that is go time. It doesn’t always work like magic but can be very helpful to learn your cycles and for us, that was it.
How did I find out? In a word, I KNEW. I am super aware of my body. There was something the tiniest bit off. Slight belly discomfort, a minuscule amount of something not even considered nausea but something. I took a very early test and voila – positive. I didn’t get too excited, knowing early tests aren’t always the outcome, but sure enough!! I had an immediate mix of emotions from excitement to gratitude to fear to wow this is so weird! I was shocked. So shocked that even though I know some women take time to figure out a cute way to tell their husband… I instead choose to blurt it out on the next phone call. I knew I needed his support immediately.
Everything that followed was new. I kept telling every doctor how weird it was. I had treated many pregnant women before, but never imagined what it actually felt like to be pregnant. I also never realized how isolating it can be. It is crazy that in the time when hormones are all over the place and this huge life change is on the horizon there is taboo in telling others. There is something to be said for privacy if you choose, but this taught me it is important for everyone to tell as much or as little as they want whenever they decide to do it.
What I felt:
Tired. So tired. In weeks 3-13 I slept more than ever in my life. I am NOT a napper, but this fatigue was no joke. I would sleep on the couch 2-3 hours in addition to going to bed early. And by early I mean at 8pm I was under the covers. I felt guilty but didn’t have a choice. My body needed rest. Lucky for me my husband was super supportive and kept encouraging me to listen to my body. When he asked what I did that day and I said I ate a bagel and napped, I swear he said awesome great job.
Digestion changes. Many women have severe nausea or vomiting way worse than I. But for me this was still terrible. I was nauseous and my digestion slowed down like crazzzzy. There was a 2 month period where dinner wasn’t something I could eat. I would start the day with a little breakfast, do okay at lunch and at dinner couldn’t eat without being nauseous, overly full and very uncomfortable. In general carbs were my friend and a fancy dinner became saltines and a slice of cheese at 4pm. Not wanting to fall totally off the healthy food train I tried my best to sneak in salad and protein when able. I loved eggs and avocados so much this kid is half avocado toast.
Body changes. Despite no actual bump my lower stomach became super sensitive very early. I couldn’t tolerate any seam across my belly. Pants felt strange and uncomfortable. One of the silver linings of staying home during COVID was there was rare instance I actually needed to wear anything other than cozy sweatpants. And then there are the boobs. People say they get bigger… and that is no lie. Everything on the front half of my body felt swollen and hard to recognize. Contrary to most women instead of super luscious hair and nails, mine fell out and were brittle to the point of asking my doctor, but it was nothing of concern.
The usual suspects. Peeing all the time, sensitivity to odors, cramping legs at night and bleeding gums are super common issues and I experienced them all.
Things that helped:
Listening to my body. It felt like the day after you have a bad flu… but for the whole trimester. Naps were on repeat. It was hard to feel so lazy but I didn’t have a choice. Hormones and the body changing rapidly, as well as growing an entire new organ (the placenta) means required rest.
Trying to make healthy food choices as much as my body allowed- although I ate more bagels than in years, I gave myself grace. This wasn’t a free pass to follow every craving. I was very aware it was easy to say I craved pizza… when honestly when do I not crave pizza? I also kept in mind the nutritional needs for this tiny addition are in fact tiny. If I could stomach a few pieces of broccoli those nutrients were enough!
Exercising as I could. I wanted to try to keep something from my normal routine even if it had to be very limited. I prioritized daily walks to feel better physically and mentally. I went on slow bike rides while my husband ran alongside (running was out of the question with that weird stomach sensation). I stretched nightly to try to help with leg cramps.
Hydrating. Normally I am terrible at drinking water. It is a job hazard. Seeing patients all day means no time to stop to drink or use the bathroom. But after I made hydration a priority – 80+ oz per day, tracking it on free app on my phone – I noticed a huge improvement. I was worried about going to the bathroom a million times per day. But my sister in law said it best reminding me I was doing that already- at least this way I was hydrated. And it actually made bathroom trips better because I needed to go as opposed to just having the sensation.
Preparing. Carry the big purse at all times. Trust me. I had citrus fruit, sparkling water, pretzels, crackers, and plain bread on hand anywhere I went. I’m not sure anything really helps during this phase, but having something to try gave me the sense of control I desperately desired.
Onto the next trimester…
